Mario minion madness

Inkspot bracket puts Bowser’s toughest minions head-to-head

Rex Rowley and Coelton Harris

Mar 20, 2026

Mario is an icon—a mustached plumbing legend who somehow became a global staple in games, TV and, honestly, just life.

For March 10, 2026—this year’s Mar10 Day—The Inkspot decided to celebrate the only way that feels appropriate: by pitting Bowser’s minions against each other in a no-rules, all-bragging-rights bracket.

Welcome to the common minion fight bracket trophy of 2026, a 16-seed showdown split into four regions: Terrible turtles and Airborne antagonists on the right side, plus Dungeon dangers and Jungle juggernauts on the left. Some of these enemies are classics. Some are weird. All of them have ruined at least one Mario run.

And before you get judgmental about who made the cut (no disrespect to Goomba fans), we had to make choices. Each minion comes with a quick scouting report—strengths, weaknesses and the kind of sneaky nonsense that gets you sent back to the last checkpoint.

After Round 1, you’ll have to vote to see who survives.

Boo vs. Spiny

Boo (Super Mario Bros. 3) is the kind of enemy that turns a hallway into a horror movie. It drifts toward you slowly, patiently, unceasingly—until you look at it. Then it freezes, as if it was never stalking you in the first place. Boo is invulnerable to most attacks, except light and magic, which makes it a nightmare in cramped spaces. It’s also part of a ghostly family tree that includes King Boo and Big Boo—because, of course, the ghosts have a manager. You might laugh when you first see Boo. You won’t be laughing when you turn your back.

Spiny (Super Mario Bros.) is proof that “small” does not mean “safe.” Often dropped by Lakitu, these spiky little turtles are basically booby traps with legs. Their shells can’t be stomped from above, which is rude and also very on brand. Spinies can be taken out with fire, ice or other projectiles, but without a power-up, they’re the kind of problem that turns a simple jump into a tragedy.

Thwomp vs. Fish Bone

Thwomp (Super Mario Bros. 3) is what happens when a brick gets anger issues and chooses violence. It doesn’t chase you. It doesn’t negotiate. It waits, then drops like a stone guillotine. Thwomps rely on pure brutality—and the small detail that they’re basically made of stone, metal and spite. They move up and down, reload, then try to flatten whatever made the mistake of walking underneath.

Fish Bone (Super Mario World) patrols dungeon waters like it has one job and one emotion: rage. It swims back and forth until it’s triggered, then charges at full speed. If it misses, it crumbles against the wall. If it hits, you’re in trouble. Think of it as a torpedo made of bones and bad intentions.

Wiggler vs. Flame Piranha

Wiggler (Super Mario World) is a gentle forest giant—until you make it your problem. Normally calm, it roams the jungle minding its business. But jump on it, or mess with its flower, and it turns bright red and sprints after you with a personal vendetta. Wigglers can be defeated with a well-placed stomp or ground pound, but they’re impervious to fire attacks, which feels unfair for something that looks like a fuzzy caterpillar.

Flame Piranha (Super Mario Bros. 3) takes an already dangerous plant and gives it range. A classic Piranha Plant is a pop-up threat. A Flame Piranha is a pop-up threat with a weapon. It snaps out of pipes, attacks, then retreats into the safety of its tube like it paid rent there. Between firepower and bite range, it’s less “garden variety” and more “why is this allowed in a children’s game?”

Koopa Troopa vs. Koopa Paratroopa

Koopa Troopa (Mario Bros.) is one of Bowser’s most reliable employees. It’s everywhere, it’s persistent and it turns into a ricocheting shell when stomped—which is great if you’re Mario and terrible if you’re standing in the wrong spot. Koopas come in different shell colors, and the variations get more dangerous as they get smarter. Green is the standard issue, but even the standard issue can wipe you out if that shell starts sliding.

Koopa Paratroopa (Super Mario Bros.) is the Koopa Troopa that decided the ground was overrated. It follows predictable flight patterns—often vertical—but it can still hop, walk and generally cause problems. Like its relatives, it comes in multiple shell colors and can be defeated with power-ups and abilities. But if its shell sits too long, it will eventually come back, as if it clocked out for a break and returned ready to fight again.

Dry Bones vs. Hammer Bro

Dry Bones (Super Mario Bros. 3) is a Koopa Troopa that refused to stay defeated. Found in castles and deserts, it’s an undead stack of bones with a stubborn streak. Knock it down and it reassembles itself in seconds, marching forward like nothing happened. Some Dry Bones even throw bones, because apparently it needed an upgrade. It’s tough to put away for good, and that’s what makes it terrifying: you can win the moment and still lose the level.

Hammer Bro (Super Mario Bros.) is an elite Koopa soldier with one move and no mercy. It hops around while raining hammers in an arc designed to hit you exactly where you thought you were safe. Some variants swap hammers for ice or fire, but the energy stays the same: you’re the target, and they’re not missing on purpose. One hammer can be enough.

Lakitu vs. Flame Chomp

Lakitu (Super Mario Bros.) is a flying turtle in a cloud that looks friendly until you realize the cloud is just a mobile weapons platform. Lakitu follows from above, dropping Spinies and turning a normal level into an obstacle course. If you don’t deal with Lakitu quickly, the real problem becomes everything it has already dropped. Lakitu is vulnerable to attacks, especially up close, but it’s most dangerous at range—and it rarely gives you the courtesy of landing.

Flame Chomp (Super Mario Bros. 3) is a flying fireball launcher that gets worse when it runs out of fireballs. It uses its burning tail as ammo, firing shots while it follows its target. When it’s out of ammo, it goes into an uncontrollable rage, chasing until it explodes into a shower of fire. If you can reach it, Flame Chomp can be stomped. But getting close is the entire problem.

Spike vs. Piranha Plant

Spike (Super Mario Bros. 3) looks goofy until it starts launching spike balls like it has an unlimited supply hidden somewhere in its soul. It can roll them at you, rain them down or generally turn the floor into a hazard zone. Spike is vulnerable to regular attacks, but timing matters: stomp while it’s coughing up a spike ball and you’ll hit the ball instead. Then it’s game over. The counter is speed, but the real key is not panicking.

Piranha Plant (Super Mario Bros.) is the original pipe surprise. It pops in and out of green pipes with no warning and a lot of teeth. It can’t chase you, but it doesn’t need to. If you mistime a jump and land in its jaws, it’s over. Recognizable by its red-and-white-spotted head and cartoonish bite, it remains a classic for a reason: it’s simple, predictable and still manages to ruin your day.

Magikoopa vs. Bullet Bill

Magikoopa (Super Mario World) is a wizard in a bathrobe who can ruin your life with a wand. Magikoopas use offensive, defensive and transformative magic—and they can teleport, which is deeply unfair for someone you can technically defeat with a stomp. They’re less common than Koopas, but that’s because Bowser keeps the magic-users in the “elite troops” category, where they belong. They may look silly with their glasses and robes, but if you end up transformed into a Goomba, you won’t be laughing.

Bullet Bill (Super Mario Bros.) is the classic moving obstacle: a self-propelled missile with eyes, arms and one purpose. It flies straight, hits hard and forces you to react instantly. In some levels, it locks onto your path like it has a personal grudge. It’s simple, effective and, when timed wrong, absolutely fatal.

Winner?

Boo advances. Spiny brought spikes to a ghost fight, which is a bold strategy when your opponent is intangible. Against a purely physical threat, Spiny was basically left shadowboxing.

Winner?

Thwomp moves on. It’s a fish made of bones trying to take down a giant living rock. That matchup is less “battle” and more “physics lesson.” Sorry, Fish Bone.

Thwomp will face Boo in the semifinal qualifying round.

Winner?

Wiggler wins. Between its fire resistance and its uncontrollable rage, the giant caterpillar did what caterpillars do best—it went straight for the plant. Flame Piranha didn’t stand a chance once Wiggler got mad.

Winner?

Spike advances. Stuck in its pipe, Piranha Plant had to pop out eventually. Spike was waiting, spike balls ready, and the rest was just bad timing and worse luck.

Spike will face Wiggler in the semifinal qualifying round.

Winner?

Koopa Paratroopa takes it. Koopa Troopa is tough, but it couldn’t handle the hopping, flying chaos of its airborne sibling. Sometimes altitude is attitude.

Winner?

Dry Bones pulls the upset. Hammer Bro landed plenty of hammers—and Dry Bones fell apart like it was supposed to. Then it got back up. And back up again. Eventually, Hammer Bro ran out of steam, and the skele-turtle kept marching.

Dry Bones will face Koopa Paratroopa in the semifinal qualifying round.

Winner?

Magikoopa wins, and it wasn’t close. Bullet Bill is a classic, but “fly straight at the wizard” is not a long-term plan. Magikoopa eventually turned Bullet Bill into a coin—valuable, sure, but not much of a fighter.

Winner?

Flame Chomp survives a tight one. Lakitu tried to control the fight from above with its Spiny drops, but Flame Chomp’s firepower was too much. Once the fireballs started flying, Lakitu couldn’t keep pace.

Flame Chomp will face Magikoopa in the semifinal qualifying round.

Koopa Paratroopa vs. Dry Bones

Dry Bones seals this one.

Outmatched on paper—shorter, lighter, and by most accounts already dead—Dry Bones refused to stay down. Again. Every time his opponent thought they’d put him away for good, those rattling bones just snapped back together and got back to work. Whatever size advantage his opponent brought into the match, it turns out it’s pretty hard to beat something you can’t permanently beat.

Dry Bones shambles into the semifinals.

Magikoopas vs. Flame Chomp

Magikoopa take the win home.

Flame Chomp gave everything they had—and that was exactly the problem. By the final stretch, the fireballs were gone, the energy was nearly spent, and all they could do was make one last desperate lunge at a target who simply blinked out of existence and reappeared somewhere more convenient. Magikoopa didn’t even break a sweat. Or a wand.

Magikoopa floats into the semifinals, where they’ll meet Dry Bones — a matchup of the unkillable versus the untouchable.

Wiggler vs. Spike

Spike comes out on top here.

Wiggler came in with all the fury of a caterpillar who absolutely did not want to be bothered — stomping, fuming, turning an impressive shade of red. None of it mattered. Spike simply rolled his namesake balls down the path and let physics do the rest. You can’t negotiate with a boulder.

Spike advances to the semifinals, where he’ll square up against the spectral menace himself: Boo.

Boo vs. Spike

Winner: Boo

Spike came in loaded—unlimited spike balls, good aim, real “area denial” energy. The only problem: Boo is a ghost. In the dark, phantom-ridden world of Boos, physical objects don’t do much besides pass through the enemy and bounce harmlessly into the void.

Spike tried the only plan it has: keep firing and hope something lands. But spikes are nothing to a poltergeist that can’t be hit, can’t be stomped and doesn’t even have the courtesy to stay visible when you need it to. Boo drifted forward, unbothered, and Spike’s offense turned into background noise.

Boo advances to the championship fight.

Final Championship

Boo vs. Magikoopa

In the battle for the 2026 Common Minion Fight Bracket title, Boo—the intangible menace of haunted hallways—faced Magikoopa, one of Bowser’s elite spellcasters, in a matchup that felt less like a brawl and more like a boss fight.

At first, Boo looked untouchable. Magikoopa’s basic attacks weren’t much help against an enemy you can’t stomp, can’t punch and can’t even look at without it freezing in place. Boo floated in and out of reach, doing what it does best: turning “simple” into “panic.”

But Magikoopa doesn’t just throw hands—it throws spells. And unlike spike balls, shells and most other physical attacks, magic can actually reach Boo. Magikoopa’s bag of tricks includes energy, flames and light-based blasts, the rare kind of offense that turns a ghost’s best defense into a liability.

Boo’s hot streak ended the moment Magikoopa started fighting like a wizard instead of a Koopa.

Magikoopa is the 2026 CMFB champion.

Dry Bones vs. Magikoopa

Winner: Magikoopa

Dry Bones finally got a matchup that felt worthy of its undead stubbornness. Hammers can knock it apart, sure, but magic is a different kind of problem. Against Magikoopa, Dry Bones kept doing what it does best—breaking down, rebuilding and marching forward like it never heard the word “defeat.”

It just didn’t matter.

Magikoopa didn’t have to win on strength. It won on options. Teleport in, cast, teleport out. When Dry Bones tried to close the distance, Magikoopa simply stopped being there. And unlike most enemies, Magikoopa doesn’t just attack—it changes the rules, warping the fight with spells that turn the battlefield into a punchline.

Dry Bones brought durability. Magikoopa brought magic. Magic wins.

Magikoopa advances to the championship fight.

Boo vs. Spike

Boo advances to the championship fight.

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