The only pinned playlist on my Spotify is titled “Christmas in October.” At the slightest hint of cold weather—which, in Illinois, comes early enough—it’s on neverending repeat. After all, however you feel about the appropriate time to listen to Christmas music, no one can deny that Mariah Carey can hit high notes all year round. 

And, without fail, whenever these holiday tunes blast through my speakers, my desire for peppermint-flavored desserts is reignited.

Give me a product with distinct candy cane swirls of red and white—peppermint Oreos, peppermint ice cream, peppermint candies—and I can’t get enough.

So, when the elusive Crumbl Cookies finally arrived in town, and the opportunity to get my first taste of the renowned gourmet cookies came in the form of the Peppermint Cupcake, I was brimming with excitement.

Before I could open Crumbl’s signature, perfectly-pink box that guarded its desserts, a magical, peppermint aroma enveloped me—evoking the most endearing memories of past Christmas celebrations. 

Aesthetically speaking, the cookie itself lived up to Crumbl’s notoriously extravagant standards.

While it was not the most elaborate item the franchise offers, the Peppermint Cupcake’s rich, chocolate base enhanced its striking swirls of peppermint cream cheese frosting. The towering delight was fittingly topped with sprinkles of candy cane pieces that enticingly danced across its icing—effectively wrapping it all up with a bow.

Reflecting on that gloriously joyous moment, I wish there was something I could’ve done to stop what came next. 

As soon as I took a bite of the cookie, I realized I had been betrayed by false pretense—my fairytale was shattered. 

Despite the cookie’s deceiving appearance, its taste was an imperfect amalgamation of conflicting flavors. 

While the chocolatey base did its best to ground the cookie—its taste and consistency reminiscent of nostalgic homemade treats—it was wholly unsuccessful in reining in its unruly counterpart.

The thick, peppermint-infused cream cheese frosting was overpoweringly concentrated, veering dangerously far into sickeningly sweet territory and turning this early present into a true nightmare before Christmas.

These two flavors were purely offensive when paired together—two independent expressions of the holiday wasted on each other.

Further, cautious bites only worsened my opinions of the woeful experience, and the once-pleasing peppermint scent quickly became nauseating.

The worst part of the whole affair? 

The cookie’s grotesque aftertaste lingered long after my final bites—my mouth haunted by the ghosts of this Christmas monstrosity.

I found myself unable to finish my portion, and it was abundantly clear that I had been cheated—as if the Grinch had stolen what should have been a magical holiday experience.

The cookie’s price tag—a whopping $4.88 that would have been better spent on coal—cemented my feelings toward the product; it was overdone, overpriced, and overrated—a larger-than-life cookie that was a colossal disaster.

Crumbl’s sole saving grace is its famed “rotating menu”—employed to create a sense of scarcity—meant the product would sour the Christmas spirits of hopeful customers for just a few more days. 

If the franchise does make the unfortunate mistake of putting the item back on its menu, I would strongly warn any customer—no matter how daring—against it.

Believe me when I say all I will ever want for Christmas is anything but Crumbl Cookies’ Peppermint Cupcake.